| After listening to my friends go on and on about their | | | | an unreserved spot between two bona fide |
| experiences playing golf, I finally decided to take up | | | | foursomes, I would have to arrive at the golf course at |
| golf again. Except for sporadic forays with rented | | | | six forty five, ready to play. That means I had to get |
| clubs, I had not played golf since I caddied with my dad | | | | up at five thirty to get there in time. Arriving on time, I |
| in the forties. He did teach me the correct grip and | | | | waited in the ready area for one hour while my friend |
| took me out a few times as a bona fide golfer, but | | | | waited in the parking lot, sure that I had gotten lost or |
| good I was not. In college, I was chosen to teach the | | | | run over. At the first tee, a third duffer asked to join us |
| grip to the novice golfing students, but I never got to | | | | and I welcomed him gladly, hoping for a free golfing |
| play myself.Not owning a set of clubs, I haunted the | | | | lesson I suspected that I needed. On the first tee, I was |
| area garage sales for a usable set. At the third garage | | | | warned to watch out for the stream crossing the |
| sale a very nice set of clubs with a fairly new bag | | | | fairway. Three strokes later, I found out that the water |
| leaned against the side of the garage. Another buyer | | | | was still freezing cold from the winter. During the next |
| spotted the clubs at the same time, but I unashamedly | | | | five holes, my partner used the walking time to remind |
| raced to get there first. The tag said $15.00, the woods | | | | me of golf course etiquette. No talking on the green, no |
| were made of real wood and I bought them | | | | touching the sand before hitting the ball out of the sand |
| immediately. Chagrined to see that the putter was | | | | trap and not to walk across the path of the stranger's |
| missing, I planned a hint to the wife for an early | | | | ball when taking out the flag. After I borrowed ten |
| birthday present.Then it dawned on me that besides | | | | quarters for marking my ball, he told me that there |
| the putter there were a few items missing. No balls or | | | | was a button on my golf glove that could be removed |
| tees graced the pockets. Golf shoes could be | | | | for a marker.On the seventh tee, my driver decided to |
| expensive and what about that special leather glove | | | | hit the ground about a foot behind the ball, sometimes |
| that always hung out of the pro golfer's pocket? Add | | | | bouncing up to gently knock the ball off the tee and |
| to the list a divot smoother, a ball brush, a water bottle | | | | other times missing altogether. None of the unasked |
| and a matching rag to wipe your hands on.I got lucky | | | | for advice had any effect. At the eighth hole, a club |
| with the shoes, having spotted a like-new pair on a | | | | monitor raced up to me with a club I had left on the |
| curb for pick-up. Only one half size too large, I figured | | | | last green (my third lost club) and asked if it were |
| an extra pair of socks would solve that problem. | | | | possible to initiate the practice of picking up on the |
| Sears sold me a matching putter and Costco | | | | greens in order to speed play. I guess that fact that I |
| Wholesale had no name balls.Carefully choosing a | | | | had to hit three balls for one of the foursome behind |
| friend who lived far away and who also played golf, I | | | | us slowed the play somewhat. At the ninth hole I |
| arranged a day on the golf course. Two weeks | | | | breathed a sigh of relief only to be informed that the |
| before the date, I arrived early at the local golf range | | | | next nine would be played on the steepest part of the |
| to harden up my hands for the coming game. In | | | | golf course. My body felt that I had been run over by a |
| twenty minutes I sported two authentic golf blisters on | | | | truck so I protested a headache and begged off.Invited |
| my hand. The local pro suggested snidely that I wear | | | | to play with a seldom seen golfer relative, I scraped |
| gloves on both hands next time. The next day I could | | | | the mud off my irons, carefully chose eight balls with |
| hardly move my arms, but bravely hid my soreness | | | | only small dents and loaded up the car. This time I |
| from my all-knowing wife. The balls I hit seemed to be | | | | wisely opted for a golf cart, and Fortified with three |
| searching for a new home, none of which landed in the | | | | aspirin, I was prepared for eighteen holes. At the first |
| same place. The wandering balls preferred bounding to | | | | tee I was reveling in the knowledge that whatever |
| my left, so I kept aiming my feet to the right in hopeful | | | | happened today would be hidden from the eyes and |
| windage, eventually facing sideways to the hole. I've | | | | ears of friends and relatives alike when the golf pro |
| heard that a slight hook can be beneficial, but what I | | | | asked if we would mind if he played with us. I agreed |
| had didn't fit the category. I did feel a little better when I | | | | only if he didn't laugh. On the seventeenth hole, I vowed |
| discovered that I could retrieve a | | | | never to |
| half bucket of balls that littered the landscape a few | | | | play golf again. I had run over the pro's ball with my |
| feet in front of the practice tee. I always like to save | | | | cart.Retired to writing, bicycling, furniture refinishing, and |
| money.My golfing partner insisted that in order to get | | | | computer graphics. |